Some of these are also true of other parts of Europe as well. I hope those of you who have heard my gripes can get a little chuckle.. especially if you know any stereotypes of Germany (which I personally have found to very often be true). I also enjoy the occasional laugh about my own sometimes ridiculous culture and people. This post is not meant to offend. It's all fun and games and my German friends know how I feel.
1. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you find yourself taking day trips to hundreds of historic cities and castles rather than doing "activities" such as visiting museums, theme parks, and going to the mall.
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| I mean, does it get more gorgeous than the "Market Church" in Wiesbaden?! |
-shopping at local markets
--visiting the park daily (what else to do on all of those breezy afternoons)
-going to local festivals
-biking (many families only have one car and it is extremely rare for a teenager to get a car on completion of their license... no matter the family income.) I biked every day (rain or frigid snow) to teaching in Berlin and 90% of the time to my job in Wiesbaden.
3.You know you're an American living in Germany when... you become aware that canned hot dogs, marshmallows, peanut butter, sandwich bread, and chocolate chips are apparently distinctly American.
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| photo from http://jen-mitliebe.blogspot.com/ |
4. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you find yourself hoarding, rationing, and violently guarding your stash of chocolate chips, mac and cheese, boxed cake mixes, queso dip, and cough drops until the next time your addiction can be filled.
5. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you head out the door with an hour to find gift wrap and you return two hours later with something similar but not as beautiful as you imagined and it cost you 35 euros. You realize it is next to impossible to find what you are looking for in stores- from clothes, to foods, to home goods.
6. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you put off laundry for two weeks at a time because you must hang your clothes and you know it will take 10 hours until they are ready and dry (ie. stiff as a board). And if you are lucky enough to have a washer/dryer combo (as we did for a few months), you are up until the wee hours of the night pressing "another 120 minute round." There are a few Europeans, with homes, who are wise enough to invest in a separate washer and dryer (but the layout of apartments does not really allow for this).
Side note: I'm thankful for a washing machine!! I CANNOT fathom the work many women put into hand washing their clothes.
7.You know you're an American living in Germany when... you finally admit that German homes are built to last and to lock in the heat/cold. Not to say that a German house would survive an F5, but they definitely seem to be holding up against termites and other wear and tear. This is a hard one for me to admit as Simeon is constantly trying to drill this into my head. I simply don't see the point of spending the money when I won't be living in the same house in 100 years. But there is really no denying the durability and quality of German homes.
8. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you accept that refigerators are "a bit" smaller and that making multiple trips to the grocery each week will be the only solution to the problem, short of stacking the shelves so full that you must play "blocks" to remove the jelly each morning.
9. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you find yourself watching movies and TV shows that were originally in your own language but have been dubbed over by harsh voices and you wish you could somehow undo the terrible mistake.
10. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you need to go to the restroom away from home so you begin frantically searching for a McDonald's or Starbucks, or you jump over a metal bar (that requires coins to open).
11. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you jaywalk while a group of several hundred Germans stand on the sidewalk and stank eye you while they patiently wait for the go ahead, in an area where there is a zero to negative amount of traffic and only taxis are allowed. Heaven forbid they disobey the street posts.
However, if there is a pedestrian crossing, those same people will walk across blindfolded and trust that every car will stop with a look of decency on the driver's face. And they will??
Please take a moment to read these exerts that echo my EXACT sentiment:
"My Jaywalking has gone through several phases since I moved here three months ago.
Coming strait from NYC where pedestrians are encouraged to cross when it is a red signal with no traffic approaching (because it helps the traffic flow that wants to turn after the light changes) I began with the indignant stage. "Ha! Stupid locals!
Then denial: "Of course you are supposed to cross when it is red. That's how it is done."
Then paranoia: "Will I be thrown in the klink for doing this? Who is watching me???" and I got the strange feeling that something terrible was about to happen to me, like a piano falling from a crane or a manhole cover really being a lion trap.
Then I got pissed off for a while. I saw the germans waiting like cattle and I felt like I was breaking the proverbial glass ceiling. "Come on people! I dare you to cross! Take a chance!"
Then I got political. "This is what is wrong with this country! You people are enslaved! Jaywalking is the foundation of Free Enterprise and you need to WAKE UP and JAYWALK or you will never make it to CEO!"
But then I calmed down a bit and asked some friends and researched it on the TT forum. Nope. No discussions as to if anyone actually received a fine for doing it. Just people feeling bad about *actually waiting* with the Germans. My friends say that a Polizei once wagged a finger and they went back and waited for the little green man."
12. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you find road trips much more gorgeous because of the landscapes but also because there are hardly any billboards or power lines above ground!! Genius! Although, you do find the thousands of industrial windmills scattered across the scenery to be a yucky waste of money to an otherwise lovely country.
13. While we're on that. You might also be an American living in Germany if you find yourself less honored and more hassled by the fact that you are residing in one of the most eco-friendly countries in the world. At first you try to follow all of the rules- buying a special tag for your car that indicates it is safe for the environment (this is literally a law), and separating your trash into at least 4 categories (paper, plastic, glass, and food). But if you're like most people, you'll want to hang on to all plastic water bottles to get back the deposit/tax you paid for them when you bought them. However, eventually you get a little fed-up with having to run in circles every time you have a tissue to toss out (especially when you hear that all of this trash might actually be ending up in the same place). SO you get a little relaxed with your separating.. but it may or may not last long because the neighbors ring on your door the next day to say they noticed some paper products in with the food. (YES THIS HAPPENED TO ME!) If you're a little rebellious at heart like me, that will further motivate you to go against the rules. I guess I just don't have the discipline and determination to save the world one piece of trash at a time.
14. Let's move on to something a little more positive.
Another way you might know you're an American living in Germany (well this one applies to most of Europe) ... is that you sleep in until noon because of the heavy duty window shades! American "room darkening shades" don't even compare to these babies. You simply roll them down and BOOM total and utter darkness. They are a dream when we fly back to Germany and are jet-lagged and can sleep the whole day without any thought of the outside world. Definitely installing some into our future house- on whatever continent that may be.
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| our window shades being raised one bright afternoon |
15. You know you're an American living in Germany when...you enjoy the peace of knowing you'll never hear sirens behind you to pull you over as your heart races faster than your speed, but you also find that the cameras that clock your kilometers per hour are much more challenging to spot than sneaky cop cars.
16. You know you're an American living in Germany when...you have withdraws from country music and whenever you return home
notice that over 50 big hits have been produced that never made it
abroad... but of course you thoroughly enjoy all of the local songs,
especially jamming to them in German- doing so accurately is completely
doubtful.
17. You know you're an American living in Germany when...you find yourself up until dawn watching a spotty, sketchy version of whatever SEC team happens to be playing that day.
18.You know you're an American living in Germany when... people tell you they have been to the States and when you are excited to hear about it, they are utterly shocked that you would care.
19. You know you're an American living in Germany when...90% of your apartment is from Ikea, the rest is from the street (where everyone dumps their used furniture).
20. You know you're an American living in Germany Europe when...the first few months you live in the EU, you have several "mini-emergencies" on Sundays and run out to the store only to remember that they are ALL closed! You adjust after time and find that life is quite functional without stores on Sundays.
21. You know you're an American living in Germany when...everywhere you go you notice people staring. Not just at you, but at anyone and everyone for whatever reason. Parking your car? Expect a pack of Germans surrounding you for a solid thirty seconds. Eating out? Thought you ordered the Schnitzel? No.. you were mistaken, it was the glares of the Oma nearby that you must have requested.
22. You know you're an American living in Germany when...you wonder how everyone glides into ice cold lakes, rivers, and public pools with such a neutral look on their faces. As you jump in and release a shrill, the looky loos rapidly withdraw from their dwellings.
23. You know you're an American living in Germany when...there are only 10 days each year where it is warm enough to go swimming outdoors... but you rarely work up the nerve to get in the water because of the previous point.
24. You know you're an American living in Germany when...you thought gas was expensive in the US until you moved to the EU and had to sell your little brother to fill up one tank- the average we paid (which is much lower than most people) was $7.20 A GALLON!
25. You know you're an American living in Germany when...you appreciate that trains and buses are around in case you need to get somewhere (like to the airport during a blizzard when my mom visited)... but when you do find yourself using public transport you end up cursing the entire concept for how challenging it can be and how it inevitably always makes you an hour late. For more on this you can read my post "I will wait for you"
26. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you begin to miss the comfort of hard rain and the occasional thunderstorm. When you do see lightening and hear thunder (two times during my residency), you will find all of your neighbors outside staring and taking photos.. literally.
***I guess they could laugh equally as hard at how we behave around snow flakes.
27. You know you're an American Alabamian living in Germany when... when the dry air gets the most of your throat and you need a powerful and horrible tasting cough drop so you buy five different brands only to discover they are glorified candy and wonder "where are the Halls?"
28. On that note, You know you're an American living in Germany when... you experience that the only place you can buy medicine is in the
pharmacy (no Advil in the grocery), and most of the time you will have
to ask the pharmacist to retrieve what you need. They are always very
friendly and helpful but it is a bit of a hassle to locate a pharmacy
for a basic pain killer. And from my experience, even prescription medicine is not as strong.
29. You know you're an American living in Germany after... you get over the excitement of the abundance of "family run, hole-in-the-wall" type eateries, you discover that these are very often slightly as sketch as they seem, and a good bit less quaint and lovely. Instead you check for at least a 4.5 rating on Google before you trust any restaurants, which is still not always a guarantee.
30. You know you're an American Alabamian living in Germany when... you never fully accept that there are not poisonous snakes or spiders and you find yourself walking gently through high grass no matter how much the locals encourage you that it's okay.
31. You know you're an American living in Germany when...you learn to parrallel park like a pro and finally understand the draw
to a Smart Car.
32. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you
get plenty of use out of your riding boots April through October and
can't step outside without your fur-lined, water-proof Uggs November
through March.
33. You know you're an American living in Europe when... you
open your windows for 15 minutes at certain intervals each day to let
some fresh air in. Apparently, without air conditioning, air can stink up quickly from standing around.
34. You know you're an American living in Europe when... you are accustomed to using converters for many of your electronics.
35. You know you're an American living in Europe when... you pay an arm and a leg for water at restaurants and you know to ask for "without gas" otherwise they will automatically serve it with gas because that is considered the most normal.You also know instinctively that asking for tap water may or may not get you kicked out of the restaurant.
36. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you really like the fact that tipping is highly unusual and only done when the service is exceptional (at least for anything over a euro), but you still find yourself doing it because otherwise you feel rude.
37. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you learn quickly that cash is king and you shouldn't expect even large department stores or chains to take cards.
38. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you find yourself wanting to sing a happy tune in groceries and on trains even though you have zero singing abilities, because everyone seems to think these places are equivalent to the library.
39. In fact, unless there is a festival going on or alcohol involed, you very often question whether the general population of Germans are actually sleep walking... but when they start hollering at you in the most utterly cranky tone because you left your car window down, you remember that they are most certainly not sleep walking.
40. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you sing Hallelujah at the checkout for purchasing 30 items (5 of which are fresh fruit) for less than 20$.
Most of these items come from other countries in Europe. Why can we not have these prices when almost all of our foods come from our own country?!
41.You know you're an American living in Germany when... you know when to drive before the street lights even turn green because they turn yellow in reverse, what a snazzy concept!
42. You know you're an American living in Germany when... you get accustomed to clicking on funny videos your friends post only to getting the following message:
43. And lastly,
You know you're an American living in Germany when... you find yourself in some kind of Utopia on sunny days, no matter the temperature.
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